12. A Short List of Things that are as Good as Jamie is Bad

one: Elephant Science
two: Celebrity Professors
three: Pumpkin Ice Cream
four: The MoMA

12.5 A Short List of Things that are as Bad as Jamie is Bad

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(Epilogue)

I often think about how different my life would be if I'd never met Jamie Bourdon. First of all, I would be healthier. I often hate Jamie so much it makes my stomach hurt. Second of all, I would be happier. I often get depressed thinking about how Jamie is living in the same apartment as MY best friend, manufacturing lies about me, and generally turning the Midwest against me. Thirdly, I would be much more productive. This point needs no elaboration beyond the existence of this blog.

I also think about how different Jamie's life would be if he'd never met me. First of all, he would have no friends. Second of all, he still doesn't actually have any friends because I'm not his friend. And thirdly, he would be just as awful as he is now. All of which basically amounts to the fact that he would be no different at all.