7. How Matthew Barney Saved My Life
My hero!
Preface to Jamie Bourdon:
Well, Jamie, you must have forgotten how to read because I've given you ample time to respond to my previous post. Either that or you're finally, albeit passively, admitting that there's no point in fighting the truth. It's too bad, in a way, because I was really looking forward to Kei's comments on your comments. Anyway, with or without you, the mission continues. What the F are you doing, anyway? I know you don't have a job!
Ahem.
This anecdote is dated July 17, 2007.
I have this premonition that Jamie is going to do something really and truly awful on July 17, 2007. My brain, recently warped by hours upon hours of Matthew Barney videos, has probably acquired the ability to predict the future, so you can trust me on this one. On July 17, 2007, Jamie Bourdon will do the following things: wake up (or should I say "power on"), get out of bed, pretend to shower and use the toilet, make small talk with Matt, pretend to ingest food, leave the house, steal a car, drive to New York at 10 mph over the speed limit, buy a kitchen knife, discard said knife in favor of a more technologically advanced weapon, find my apartment and attempt to kill me. Fortunately, by then I'll have a Master's of Science degree, courtesy of Columbia. That's right, Jamie, SCIENCE. I'm going to use your own black magic technology against you!
Jamie was in the Dungeons and Dragons club at Grinnell, which means that 1) he wasn't very cool, 2) no girls liked him, and 3) he has to respect the fact that my Ivy League science spells will destroy his lameass 1981 Apple Macintosh techno-spells.
6 comments:
dear jenni,
do you think that we could possibly maybe be friends again?
love,
jamie
According to Plans, I speak on behalf of at least one other party, and I don't mean to instigate ill-will and promote Haterade. But honestly, what will become of this blog if you two become friends again?!
Based on what I've read here so far, I'm also curious to know what it would take for you guys to have an amicable relationship "again." What would have to happen to revert the ihatejamiebourdon in the URL to ilovejamiebourdon? Or at least, 'ilike' or 'isortalike' or 'icansomehowstand.' These questions both intrigue and trouble me.
well, kei, in all fairness, the above comment was intended more as a fairly inconspicuous bjork reference (and thus, to show that i do in fact know a bit about her weirdo artsy people) than a genuine request for re-friendship. you see, jenni has never really been nice to me, kei, or to anyone. in fact, if you google either my name, her name, or matt schiltz's name, one of the first things you'll find is a KDIC interview wherein she was super, super mean to both me and kittens. that's just wrong.
love,
jamie
Jamie, if somehow you become Justin Timberlake, we can be friends. Barring that, I don't think it's gonna work out.
Hi Jamie,
That article was pretty hilarious. I almost "LOL"ed at work reading that. Sorry I know nothing about Bjork except that she went apeshit on a reporter once when the Icelander was in a rotten mood. However, I'm glad for the clarification (including Jenni's above comment) because I am no longer troubled, and there's a new post! A pooposive one! See you over there maybe!
P.S. Good luck in getting "Justified."
Kei, as a testament to my own ego, I must say that that S&B article makes me laugh out loud EVERY TIME I read it. It gets dumber and dumber each time, but somehow that only adds to its charm. I can't believe my AsKDIC articles got me into Columbia. Jokes on them, suckers.
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