1. The Party

This anecdote is dated June 6, 2003:

On this uncharacteristically cold and rainy June morning, just one month after we had graduated from Grinnell College, I witnessed Jamie Bourdon doing all of the following: drinking expired milk straight from the carton, deliberately spilling red nail polish on the carpet, trying on a pair of beige corduroys that he had shoplifted from the Juniors department of Dillards, cheating a Mario Tennis, using a penknife to scratch the word "SATAN" into the back of his room mate's Promise Ring CD, and making prank calls to his former acadmic advisor. He also procured a pair of safety scissors with the intention of removing page 43 from my copy of Lyotard's "The Postmodern Condition," but was distracted by the sound of the ice cream truck passing by the window.

That night, we decided to have a party.

I spent hours cutting photos of Mandy Moore out of my vast personal library of teen magazines and taping them to the walls of my friend's apartment. Then, I went to Hy-Vee to buy beer. When I came home, Jamie had drawn lopsided mustaches on all of Ms. Moore's pictures. He had also used a flourescent yellow highlighter pen to artificially age the appearance of her smile. (By that I mean he yellowed her teeth.)

The ambience was completely ruined.

It was, however, too late to call off the party, the invitations having been sent and the beer having been purchased, etc. etc. I made Jamie promise that he would refrain from any further mischief for the duration of the night. And, for the most part, he remained true to his word, although I did see him spitting into someone's glass around midnight.